Divorce: There Are No Winners

by ilaos

While you’re going through your “divorce battle” as it’s been coined, you may be tempted to “win” the game where your spouse is the opponent. Winning a divorce is a common phrase people use, but it reduces a very complicated and often devastating life event (with ramifications that can last for years) into something rather petty and simplistic.

When you approach your divorce without being vindictive, you’ll find that the process itself will go by much more quickly, you won’t have to spend as much money on a lawyer and you’ll be able to move on with your life sooner. If you don’t, you’ll find that other areas of your life will suffer.

The pain and resentment you may be feeling is totally normal and appropriate. You can find better, more productive ways to deal with them by seeking counselling and other positive coping strategies..

You Suffer

If you try to win at your divorce, you are opening painful wounds from your marriage over and over again. While it is healthy to find a release for the pain, anger and resentment you feel, winning is not healthy. It may actually build and grow your negative feelings. It does nothing to serve you, even if it feels good at the time.
The pain and resentment you may be feeling is totally normal and appropriate. You can find better, more productive ways to deal with them by seeking counselling and other positive coping strategies.

Your Finances Suffer

Both you and your spouse may suffer (sometimes significant) financial setbacks during and after your divorce. Lawyers are expensive, and if there is a long court battle because either you or they refuse to concede, both of you could end up financially ruined, with another aspect of life that needs to be rebuilt from the ground up. Our family law law firm offers payment options to help you get through it.

Long Term Implications

Like the death of a loved one, the end of your marriage will leave impressions on you that will last years, possibly the rest of your life. If you treat divorce as a way to spite your spouse (or ex-spouse), you’re only doing yourself more harm by creating more conflict.
The long term implications of a “nasty” divorce is that it disadvantages your kids, if you have them.

Kids Suffer

It’s no secret that kids of divorced parents are the innocent victims when it comes to divorce. They already go through enough turmoil when divorces are amicable, and they will only suffer more if you choose to put your need to win over their need for a grounded, supportive parent.

Loss of Community

If you and your spouse shared a lot of the same friends, you may find that your social life is more fragmented and possibly awkward – you may even lose some friends over it if they decide to choose sides. This social isolation would be difficult enough, don’t add to it by stressing yourself even more by creating more conflict.

I hope this didn’t get you down too much, but this is the reality of divorce. Divorce is not a battle, and for your sake, it shouldn’t be. Your best bet to have it go as smoothly as possible is to drop the mentality that you need to win. What you really need to do is take care of yourself, your kids if you have them, and do your best to heal.

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