While you’re going through your “divorce battle” as it’s been coined, you may be tempted to want to “win” the game where your spouse is the opponent. “Winning” a divorce is a common phrase people use, but it reduces a very complicated and often devastating life event (with ramifications that can last for years) into something rather petty and simplistic.
When you approach your divorce without being vindictive, you’ll find that the process itself will go by much more quickly, you likely won’t have to spend as much money on a lawyer and you’ll likely be able to move on with your life sooner. If you don’t, you may find that other areas of your life will suffer.
The pain and resentment you may be feeling is totally normal and appropriate. You can find better, more productive ways to deal with them by seeking counselling and other positive coping strategies.
If you try to win at all costs in your divorce, you are opening painful wounds from your marriage over and over again. While it is healthy to find a release for the pain, anger and resentment you feel, winning at all costs is not healthy. It may actually build and grow your negative feelings. It does nothing to serve you, even if it feels good at the time.
The pain and resentment you may be feeling is totally normal and appropriate. You can find better, more productive ways to deal with them by seeking counseling and other positive coping strategies.
Your finances suffer
Both you and your spouse may suffer (sometimes significant) financial setbacks during and after your divorce. Divorce cases can become expensive, and if there is a long court battle because either you or they refuse to compromise, both of you could end up financially devastated, with another aspect of life that needs to be rebuilt from the ground up. Our family law firm offers payment options to help you get through it.
The end of your marriage will leave impressions on you that will last years, possibly the rest of your life. If you treat divorce as a way to spite your spouse (or ex-spouse), you’re only doing yourself more harm by creating more conflict.
The long term implications of a “nasty” divorce if you have children may also take a toll on the children.
It’s no secret that kids of divorced parents are the innocent victims when it comes to divorce. They already go through enough turmoil when divorces are amicable, and they will likely suffer more if you choose to put your need to “win” at all costs over their need for a grounded, supportive parent.
Loss of community
If you and your spouse shared a lot of the same friends, you may find that your social life is more fragmented and possibly awkward – you may even lose some friends over it if they decide to choose sides. This social isolation would be difficult enough, don’t add to it by stressing yourself even more by creating more conflict than is reasonably necessary for your divorce.
It is in your best interest to approach your divorce with a willingness to be fair and reasonable, and not to have a “win” at all costs mentality. This is not to say that you should give up any reasonable expectations or what you should push for according to the advice of your attorney. The best decision is to hire a qualified attorney to represent you and your interests.