No one likes to think about filing for a divorce, but unfortunately this does happen more commonly than people would like. It is estimated that between 40% and 50% of all marriages end in divorce. According to some statistics, 9% of people had ended 1 marriage by the time they were 30 in 2018 and by 62, around 41% had ended at least 1 marriage. Even knowing that divorce is that common, that doesn’t make you feel any better when going through your own divorce.
Whether your divorce is amicable or more difficult, you will need to get centered and find grace to make it through. Here are some tips to help you come out stronger.
It’s okay to mourn it. It’s normal to mourn it. There’s going to be an empty space that you can just feel, which is normal when you experience loss.
It can be extremely hard to accept what’s going on. It’s easy to deny what is going on and how emotionally devastating it really is. Denial may be good to help you avoid the negative emotions, but you will have to face them eventually. This is where acceptance comes in. Accept that things just didn’t work out. Maybe both parties are to blame, maybe you’re to blame, maybe there is no blame. It’s easy to feel like a failure but finding someone to talk can be essential in helping you accept this new reality.
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Don’t be Afraid to Mourn
People don’t get married with the thought of divorce in their mind. When a divorce happens, you are experiencing a significant loss and life change. It’s okay to mourn it. It’s normal to mourn it. There’s going to be an empty space that you can just feel, which is normal when you experience loss. You need to now dwell on it but do take the time to feel this loss.
What Do You Need?
Do you need financial help? Emotional support? Do you need information? You should take the time to identify what your needs truly are at times like these so that you can know how to address them. At the beginning, it can be a good idea to think in the short-term such as finding childcare so that you can take some “you” time. Eventually, you can start looking at more long-term solutions like a better paying job or some other decision for your future.
Your Kids Need Help Too
It’s easy to get caught up in feeling sad about this loss, but you need to remember to be strong and calm for you and your children. They are going through complicated emotions as well, so be sure to take the time to ensure everyone gets the emotional support that they need through this process. Maybe take a nice adventure for the kids. Even if you aren’t feeling great, showing strength for your children helps keep them cope.
Embrace the New Reality
Who knows what the future holds? You need to focus on embracing this new reality. If your ex was the one responsible for the cooking, for instance, embrace learning how to hone your culinary skills. If they were better with the money, learn everything that you can about financial responsibility. Make mistakes along the way? Embrace those too. These are learning responsibilities that can help you become even better.