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3 dos of dating after divorce (plus 1 bonus do)

On Behalf of | Jun 11, 2017 | Dating, Divorce |

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Your divorce is finalized, and you’re now officially single. It may have been a while since your last date. Maybe you’ve even forgotten what it’s like to date, or how to date. Which dating apps do people use these days? Do you want a long-term relationship or something casual? It can be overwhelming to consider options, so here are 3 dating dos.

Dating do #1: Be sure you’re ready to date

Many people move onto new relationships right away after a divorce. It’s understandable to want a new and exciting romance. However, this is generally not the best idea (although every case is unique). The reason why? Divorce is a huge undertaking and can be a significant trauma to you. If you don’t take the time to reflect, grieve and learn from the experience, you may be setting yourself up for failure.

You should especially wait to date if you’re still feeling significant anger towards your ex. Seeing a therapist to help you move on can be very helpful, as talking with a professional (who is an objective third party) can shed some real nuggets of insight about why the marriage broke down in the first place, and your role in it.

Dating do #2: Consider paid dating apps

There are a myriad of free dating apps you can choose from in your search for a partner, but there is some evidence to show that you’ll encounter better quality matches if you pay for a membership, including getting back more responses. The data shows that you’re more likely to end up going on a real-life date from a paid site.

If you’re just looking for something super casual, a free app will do – you never know!

Dating Do #3: Define your core values

If you’re looking for a long-term relationship that may lead to another marriage, it’s really important for you to examine yourself and define your core values. Core values inform how you live life from day-to-day, but they also inform decision-making for bigger life circumstances.

You want to find a partner who shares your core values around handling money, as so many relationships fail because of conflict around money. Other core values that can be deal breakers (and if they’re not, can result in a lot of unhappiness in the long-term) are:

  • Faith
  • Your beliefs about honesty, integrity and fidelity
  • How you view divorce
  • Having children
  • Career decisions
  • How you make other important life decisions

Many people will initially connect with someone over shared interests, which is great. It’s lovely to have a companion to share activities. Over the long term though, relationships tend to do worse if there isn’t a foundation of shared core values.

Bonus – dating do: Practice patience

It might take some time for you to get yourself ready for dating after your divorce, so be patient with yourself. Be patient with the screening process of potential matches. You’re more likely to find success in dating – a deeper, more grounded love – if you don’t rush and approach things with patience.

There you have it, three things you can mull over while you search for your next Mister or Ms. Right. Have fun!